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US plans to invade space

The empty vastness of the universe must be made safe for democracy, says US President

The US Government is planning to invade space as part of its 'War on Terror'™.

The invasion plans were discovered among the effects left in a motel room by NASA astronaut Sean O'Flighty, who is currently being sought by Florida police authorities and the FBI on charges of aggravated buggery, peddling child pornography and blasphemy.

The plans were subsequently leaked by a blogger, known only as 'Nightstick', who is believed to be a law enforcement officer.

"The plans call for the building of a squadron of armed Shuttles," claimed Nightstick. "Apparently, Bush fears there might be aliens out there harboring weapons of mass destruction.

"It looks like they learned something from Iraq, though," he added. "There's a whole chapter on the possible international repercussions of the invasion and what to do about it. Basically, we're just going to claim that space belongs to America anyway and we don't need permission, let alone a UN resolution, to invade it."

This was later confirmed by a White House spokesman who said: "It's ours. We got there first. So there."

US President George W Bush later gave a statement to the press in which he said: "There's a lot of space out there, and it's important it's all made free for democracy. That's why we have to ensure no-one else gets it."

He added: "If we ever do meet any alien lifeforms, I feel certain, deep in my heart, that they will want nothing more than to be American."

 

Tags: USA government military war space WMD

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